breanna lynn’s blog

Character > Personality > Behavior
Thoughts > Words > Actions

These all are related and affect each other. I need to figure out, in the jumble of my mind and the depths of my heart, what mine are.
That's part of the key of permanently changing and not throwing myself back into reverse. I know that once I discover the mystery of my own mind and heart, I can begin to recognized who I truly am. Once I have found my present identity, in whole and not a whimsical facade, I can determine what needs to change. And the change will come only through God. I know my identity is in Christ, all I want to be is what He created He me to be, which is in His image. I know what I need to be transformed into. But I must discover what I am right now.
A caterpillar cannot know it needs to make a cocoon so it may one day break free and spread its wings to fly, by transforming over time into a butterfly, which it was intended all along to be, if the caterpillar believed or was thinking "I am a worm". It has to find a mirror and a book and realize that it is not a worm. It's green fat body with hundreds of legs identifies by all appearances it is a caterpillar, not a brown slimy worm with a brain at both ends. The caterpillar can realized by its habits that it is not a worm, for it would rather move across a branch than slip into a dark hole in the earth.

Yes, I need to study my lines for the play which is in five days and memorize the words of all my characters before tomorrow evening. Yes I need to live, sleep, breathe, eat, drink, study the SAT until I take it Saturday morning. I need to call Macy. I need to tidy up my room. I need to spend time with God. I need to write a list of healthy foods I like before mom goes shopping again. I need to just talk to God and pray for a change, anything. I need to do the things I planned for this summer, and I need to find freedom and joy and satisfaction in God alone.
I know.
All this and more I need. Now, it's always 'now' or 'right away'. Or so it seems.
But I also have decided. I am going to find me. Because I need to know. I know. But deep down, what I NEED to KNOW, I don't. So. My mission is...to know. Know me. Know the Holy Spirit, know God... and do something with that knowledge.

I can always count on the Lord to put on just the right song when I am feeling down.
Last night after playing my last high school basketball game, I heard this song on the radio. I closed my eyes, leaned my head on the headrest, and listened.

Have you been walking on a surface that's uncertain?
Have you helped yourself to everything that's empty? yeah!
You can't live this way too long.
There's more than this, more than this.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?
You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest, you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let it fade.

Are you carrying the weight too much?, are you running from the call?
Let it fade, Oh yeah.

You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?

*Listen to "Let It Fade" at: htpp://myspace.com/jeremycamp
*Lyrics source: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Let-It-Fade-lyrics-Jeremy-Camp/9EA897B517EE25994825721A0024B645

(The bold throughout the lyrics just means it spoke the most to my heart).